FEAR

 

Fear is a notion that 

the fearless will never understand

Fear is heavy, tangible, 

Fear is viscose, Fear has a scent

But for the fearless 

Fear is evanescent

They don't see it, they can't smell it, they can't feel it 

They don't believe it exists

They think it can be whiffed away - 

Snuffed out

Blown off...

But then if it is not even there

Then what is the big deal

Fear has a face , Fear has a body, Fear has limbs

Fear has hair, Fear has talons, 

Fear has wings and horns too

Fear has a dripping tongue 

Fear has teeth and fangs

Fear has a  tail even

Fear is loud, Fear screams and yells

And Fear can be deafeningly silent 

Fear is a leech that sucks you hollow

Fear is like a huge oil slick 

that leaches through your

body, mind and soul

Leaving you like a 

shrivelled , crumbly leaf 

Withering into dust....

Fear has no logic

Fear is irrational

And yet it thrives

Like a looming, large 

Gargoyle  that swallows you whole...

Fear is a phantom , Debilitating for the fearful

Fear is real , Fear is fact 

Fear is fantasy, fortifying for the fearless

Lucky are those who know no fear

Fear is a notion that 

the fearless will never understand

Own the skies

 

It is that time of the year again

When yet another flock

are sprucing their wings 

poised to fly

to seize the stars 

As they stand at the threshold

Wary and yet excited

Eager and yet uncertain

Wondering what does the Future hold

Shed your fears,

Stagger not in defeat 

Plod on in Joy and wonder,

Success is round the corner

Spread your wings

And soar high 

Seize your dreams

Own the skies

On cloud Nine

 

My feet unsteady

I totter in unsteady swagger

Heady high of 

Lolling in abundance of love and regard

My feet are not treading the earth

My head swirling in the clouds

The heart is heavy

and yet the spirit is light

 

I smile through my tears

to see them spread their wings

poised to fly high

and seize the stars

that they do richly deserve

I shall wait for them to

come back another day

and share their stories 

of success and adventure

And until then I shall keep

counting my Blessings

That come not in numbers

but in batches

Overwhelmed

 

And just when you thought

That the cup of Happiness could get no bigger

That the sense of love and gratitude

Could get no deeper

And then comes a cloudburst

That drenches your soul through and through

And makes the heart runneth over

Seize the Stars

 Seize the stars

Pause, listen to the song in your heart

Take your time to weave your dreams

Shed your fears, rue not your failures

For wisdom lies in wait…

Let not your vision blur following random whims

You have a  long way to go

Trudge with care, toil with grace

Fly high on the wings of your dream

Seize your skies

Sing aloud the song in your heart

Carve a tale of wonder and etch your name

On the shores of Time…

Baggage

 

I remember the colours of my childhood

The frills, the lace,

The layers, the skirts, the blouses

 

They come to me with remembered sensations

Another world, another time

Dreams unknown waiting to be unraveled

But today the future of yesteryears

Seems a whole another ball game.

 

Different facets of love

Dreams of travel

Dreams of snow

Home is where the heart is

But the heart is playing truant

 

Magic dust and buttery wingsstars in the eyes

All in  a dream

Life is so far away

Fears and troubles

Crusts in the stomach

Not butterflies

Some moments that were

Made of butterfly wings

Powdery sparkling dust

So ephemeral- almost invisible

And yet so heavy and tangible

And today every moment

A huge cumbersome jaggged boulder

Immovable, crushing

 

*********************

No regrets

 

How does it feel like

To Have forgotten

When the sun and rain spoke in rhyme

When the heart pounded

Hmmm some vague memories

That do nothing to the cockles of the heart anymore 

Ya,  it is there in the movies

and in the songs

it shines in the eyes of the youth

But inside me there is 

Only ash and smoke

Some creaks and groans

Wondering if there is wistfulness

If there is a sense of loss

An ache, a yearning

For what used to be

But no there is nothing

And so does this make these words so drab, so dreary

Because only words that throb 

With the song from the heart

Is supposed to be that elusive thing called Love

Simple breakfasts, simple meals-

no feasts, no banquets

no bells peal, no music plays

the sun rises and then sets

the moon glides through the skies

no one notices the flowers bloom

nor the patter of the raindrops 

Yet, so grateful that  

the dry scraped out soul, 

has become invisible, irrelevant

Nothing is missed- just happy 

to be living the daily mundane life...

the fire, the zest, the passion, the verve, 

the spontaneity, the playfulness, 

the mischief, the piquancy

all gone forever

never to return or revive

Life is but bits  and  pieces of these

But mostly otherwise

It is shards and slivers

Falls, bruises and tears...

as one struggled through the web of living

everything else just fell by the way side

Just the strength and assurance of 

Having each other's backs

To laugh the other’s smile

And cry the other’s tears

And sometimes sigh in unison

To sit back not so close

And yet not far away

one reads, the other writes

one may not speak

and yet the other listens

the heart has slowed down

and then it is about holding, 

healing together

leaning back in gratitude

and placid contentment

Senescence

 

Bleeding, oozing soul

Ashen  strands, Grey decline

Wrinkles, saliva, drool, sweat, stench

Feeble, brittle, cranky, fussy

The dryness, the coarseness

The uneven breath

Phlegmy sighs

The same words over and over again 

and again and then again

the same gestures, mannerisms, 

the swallowing

the dull grey holes in the eyes

the weary smiles

where only fear lurks

of the spinning moments

Unkept promises- harsh trials

Never uttered, never confronted.

The dark resentment

Fumes of rancid stench

Buried in catacombs of the heart

Unspoken, incomplete

And yet yearning to hear words of regret, 

of repentance, apology

But no- only reams of justifications

Leaving the aftertaste of bitterness

Admit, accept the hurt inflicted

No never

Enlightenment

 

I like to think my thoughts

I like to catch them as they 

Escape from my mind

Invisible- body less- disembodied

I like to watch them

Clothed in words

Armours of various hues and textures

I like to listen for their sounds and voices

Echoing Over and over again

I like to savour them

I like to review them

Analyse them interpret them

Appreciate them

Revel in their fallen glory

I like to wonder why they rose in the first place

To question them

Dissect them

Ponder over them like my very existence depended on the answers

And then finally eventually

Gradually

I like to mull over the futility of it all

And then pat myself on my enlightened grace

Transmogrification 😠😠

 

Hey faith of mine!

I am afraid for you

You might crumble to dust

For I have bestowed you with 

Feet of clay

I shall take up cudgels

On your behalf

Don't you worry

For after all I believe that you thrive

Because I exist

I am sure I haven't misunderstood

What you stand for

Because after all I interpret

You the way I want

I shall give you counsel

On whom you may bless

And whom you should curse

After all I call the shots here

I choose to forget that you

are actually about Solace and Redemption

For I have made you all about

Dire Threats and retribution

I have created a war in your name

And now I proceed to amass an army

You need me a mere mortal

to protect you from annihilation

And so I spew vitriol, hatred, 

For I have understood you to be

All about exclusion, segregation and alienation

I do not remember any

Allusion to inclusion, unification or conciliation

I deign to choose, decide

What you stand for

I choose to tether you, 

Within my mortal definitions, finite understanding

I set limits for you to pervade

And all the time I shall claim 

That it was you who dictated the limits, 

you who taught me 

Exclusion, segregation and alienation

For that is how 

You can be saved!?

Poor faith of mine

You are indeed vulnerable

If it is faith like mine

That sustains you...

Mythical Homecoming

 

Your eyes were filled with unshed tears

But they mistook it for tears of joy

You tried telling them 

that you were not lost nor a wandering nomad

You tried to tell them that you were never homeless

That you were not yearning for a homecoming 

That the world is your home

But they were not listening

They wanted to hold you captive

In rich and gilded canopies

They forgot you had made your home in the forests

That you slept in bliss under the stars

They forgot you partook of chewed up fruit

They set you apart

They drew lines of separation

They saw you not

Because their eyes were clouded with 

Mad passion and hatred

Nor did they listen to you

Because They were screaming in manic frenzy

They made you about violence, hatred and Retribution 

While you were actually all about solace and Redemption 

An epitome of gentleness and grace

They loomed larger than you

They presumed you needed protection

They forgot that you were the Protector

An eye for an eye

Ya, lest we forget

Let us keep reminding, recounting

All the fights, the destructions

Let us keep watering, feeding, nurturing

all the grudge, anger

Let's keep wreaking vengeance one for the other

Let's make the whole world blind 

And then the world will become peaceful

Because there would be no survivors

to celebrate victory!

Priorities change

 

Worries, sorrows used to be about self

Hurt , pain of the self

Now the self has been sidelined

It is all about

Another's hurt, pain and sorrow

Self's life, happiness depends on

Another's joy and peace

Time Capsule

 

Time capsule, interim between the starting point and destination,

you have left but not yet arrived,

no expectations... comfortable spot others have to wait

they can't hurry you...

they can't push you

they can't nag nor can they pester

They have to wait for you to arrive,

Meanwhile as I wait wanting

to prolong that time capsule  because the neither here nor yet there

Feels the safest for now...

Life on Pause

 

It is on pause

Life I mean

No, the roller coaster

It is on pause

There is a fall waiting

and sure enough

there should be a rise too

But right now

It is just swinging

How does it feel to live

On the pause button

Waiting for life to get unpaused

Not knowing which way it goes

Or to be on mid seasaw

Down or up

Which way will it go

Grateful for this moment

In the now

That is all one can be

Just Cling to this moment

Not remember the past

Not worry about the future

When Silence Speaks

Don't want to utter a word, sound

Fill in the sounds with nods,

Raised eyebrows

Slant of the eyes

Shrug of the shoulder

Gestures, expressions

Such that the absence of voice is not noticed

Don't want to detour

No bends, twists or turns

The past in the present

 

Today in the present

As I look back into the past 

when it used to be the present

when everything seemed to go on forever

like there was no tomorrow

the grind, the plodding, the climbs

the plains seemed far away in the horizon

and today all that seems so distant, 

so long gone

a blurry existence

Listening is an Art

Some people hijack your conversations

They don't allow you to complete your words or sentences

They seize your words, they usurp your notions

They chew at it rabidly, 

then swallow them whole

not sparing the echoes even

Your words shorn off 

leaving your emotions disembodied

hovering in the air unsatiated

They then offer it to you 

Couched in their words and thoughts

disguised,  distorted , unrecognisable

You are all lost as you listen to them rambling away

You wonder

What were you trying to say

And where has it gone...

Meekly you succumb 

to the volley 

Of words 

you lapse into silence

Your thoughts and words

All scrunched up and crumpled

Yet again you are convinced

Silence is best, Silence is comfy...

Richocheting silence

 

You want to say something, 

You want to say nothing

You want to hear everything 

You want to hear nothing

You have pictures

that you want to look at 

But You can't bear to look at them

You have questions, You want answers

But no one to ask, 

You don't like words, They mean nothing

You look around

Oh everything is the same

Nothing has changed

Just one of the gazillion rays have set

Just one home darkened forever

A few souls left bereft and broken

Tantrum

 

My heart is breaking

Am feeling indignant

I understand but 

Keeping up the facade, smiling, while I want to sulk big time

Simply because I want to evolve

I don't want to break into the usual cantankerous mould

that which irritates others

But still it stings

Feeling a surge of self pity

They can afford to 

They can escape to their own cosy world

Smiling and laughing when actually I don't want to

Just go about sniggering, ordering...

They don't have to live with the consequences, the repercussions

Just trigger

And happy to say that you are going to fly away 

What do you care what is left behind

And someone doesn't even understand...

Blissfully unaware of the undercurrents...

That is exactly why one needs to be on one's toes

That's the reason one has to keep on 

Reminding like a broken record

And it is because we are the ones who have to bear the brunt of the consequences 

From the outside people can sympathise

click their tongues, be magnanimous

Am not going to interfere

Shall try to pretend that I am not around

As if I can control things

Am fed up of anticipating

trying to veer away from troubles, hassles

Escape, escape , escape

Run away far from all this...

Prayers

 

When I think of you

Am overwhelmed with Love and gratitude

For the Blessing that you are

The tender solace and strength

That you bestow

Even when I leave so much

Unsaid and unspoken

To just know that you are...

Fortifies my spirit

Tread with Power, tread with Poise

Wear your Gentleness and Compassion

With Grace and Power!

Do not deter, do not doubt

Your demeanour is

your allure and your armour!

I wish you Joy, I wish you Love

I wish you Success, I wish you Serenity...

All my Love, All my Prayers, All my Blessings

Today and Everyday...

Fence Sitter

 

Am back on the fence

Safest place to be

Watch from this vantage point                                            

Not get embroiled in the brouhaha

Watch, listen

And keep my mouth shut

Had always believed

Silence was best

and then as one gained in age

one had the backing of experience

hopefully in wisdom too

broadening of horizons

one felt that now perhaps

one should venture to utter words

articulate opinions

if one believed  it

to be good , humane , inclusive 

I had ventured warily 

from my spot on the fence

After a long time of watching either sides

Sometimes it felt being silent 

was wrong, it would seem 

like endorsing what seemed

unfair, lopsided

And so, Stepped down gingerly, 

Testing the waters

But got pelted with 

stones of words

that felt like bullets 

got an earful

shunned by loathing

I beat a hasty retreat

back again on my lofty perch 

on the wall... 

Watching, Listening but not speaking… 

Silence is golden. Silence is comfy.

Silence is Safe! Silence is Peace! 

A Mother's Prayer

I can't claim credit for carrying 

my babies in my womb

There was no other option😀

I don't ask for appreciation for labour/ post surgery pains

for the scars and marks on my body

I may have not been the best of mothers

I have faltered, I have floundered

I may not have been there

the way I should have been

And worse, I may have thought

 I was there, right beside you

I may have given something 

other than what you may have wanted

You don't have to glorify me

You don't have to worship me

Just forgive me if I have not been with you

the way you wanted me to

I knew no better

And that was not your fault

Don't place me on that lofty pedestal

decreed for Parents

Iam not superhuman

I am not perfect

Parents make so many blunders

Inadvertently perhaps

You can feel angry, resentful...

Only let it make you better, stronger

Resilient, Loving and compassionate in your lives

I don't know about unconditional love

I don't know about sacrifices

I don't know  whether whatever I said or did was the Best

All I know is it hurts when my children are in pain

I know that I would like to wipe clean 

all the pains and hurts in your lives if I could

I would have rewritten so many things of the past

To refurbish your present 

And fortify your future

Just have the Strength and Grace to live

through whatever Life throws at you 

I am Happiest when my children are 

Self reliant, Successful and Happy!

That is all I want

And that is all I ask...

Calamity Strikes!

 

Today a piece of the sky fell down

And everyone ran helter skelter

Trying to retrieve the bits

Conceal the revealed

Salvage the shambles

The blue was so sheer

The white so porcelain

The vision so enticing 

There was panic

There was ruckus

There was anger

There was indignance 

Righteousness was at stake

Morality was at risk

The virtue of guileless youth 

was in jeopardy 

And all because 

Blissful swagger sashayed down

 in winsome self love

Jaws dropped! 

Oohs and aahs echoed

How can this be allowed

Clarion call for drastic measures 

Swathe the vision

Because isn't that easier than taming the truant

Smother the scapegoat 

while the miscreant 

dodges scotfree!!

( The slew of repurcussions unleashed when a beautiful girl wore 'inadequate/ inappropriate' clothing) 

A Mother's Benediction

 

When you gaze at your baby

And feel that surge of love 

gushing from the depths of your soul

So powerful and so overwhelming that it hurts...

Then, pause and remember 

That is exactly how I feel for you my Son...

You were meant to be born in my womb

Both for myself and for yourself

We shall traverse this chasm of life

Strengthened and fortified by Love and Prayers...

I pray with all my heart and soul

that you are able to rise above all your hurt, pain and sorrow...

And emerge into the Wonderful , 

Blessed person that you are meant to be...

Sooner than later you will conquer 

all trials and tribulations that seem to surround you at times...

The Universe will protect you in your toughest moments

and bring you through all hurdles

safe and sound 

This is a Mother's Benediction

uttered with all the Love in this world and Beyond...

Resurrection

 

Yes, perhaps It begins as writing for just oneself...

like when the thoughts and emotions become so intense

that they demand to be crystallised into words

And yet one cannot deny the high 

that one experiences

when one's words reach out and knock at the threshold of another's heart

when the words evoke sensations deep in another's being

the smattering of thoughts 

resound and throb in the vales of 

another's heart 

leaving a lingering hangover to be nursed for days afterwards

And it is then that the writer is resurrected...

Sewing the Skies

 Some days are good

And then some days not so good

But the not so good

Casts its shadow on the good too 

For now, it is a step at a time

Focussing on the now

But the travail of earlier steps

Have rendered my feet weary

The calves are strained

The heels have chipped

The shoulders are drooping

The smile is far away from the eyes 

For one keeps looking to catch the next piece of sky when it falls

For fall it will

Waiting for the cookie to crumble yet again

For crumble it must

Crumble it will 

For now it is a stitch at a time

Sewing the tears

Smoothening the wrinkles

Ever so gently

Help to heal

Help to strengthen

Until then it is

Fragile- Handle with care… 

Setting down my burden

Now and then 

On the wayside pitstops

Wiping my brow

Catching my breath 

And rise  I must again and again

Pick up my burden again and again

Trudge ahead to the unknown

Clinging on to

"This too shall pass..."

Everything is temporary

Time will heal

The dawn is near 

And while one toils at sewing the skies

My soul has become threadbare 

Meanwhile I try to smile, laugh and even sing

But I am tired

I long to rest

With nary a care

But toil I will

Because I need to lend a shoulder

For heavier burdens

Burdens not mine and yet my own 

Waving at other weary travellers

Because though sometimes 

I feel like a lone traveller 

I see and I know there are others

Trudging along with their own hauls

A pat here, a kind word there

Cheering along, nudging along

Sharing stories of audacity to carry on 

Audacity To keep living, To keep  loving

And above all To keep Praying

 

And like they say

I too have miles to go

Before I sleep...

Wait for Me...

 

Times change, wounds heal

The scars may remain

And when the scab shrivels and is shed

May be then it will become

easier to share the thorns and thistles under my feet

Until then let me just tread gently

knowing that there is this cosy place here 

With a few dear people who have my back 

by just being there

Who understand my unspoken words

Because sometimes utterances can be scary, exhausting

Morbid thoughts

 

Sometimes the mind has to grapple with

such morbid gruesome thoughts

Seeing someone's teeth bared in a gleeful smile

brings to mind the image of a skull

When people march in sedately

swathed in swirls of garment

adorned with accessories

and to my eyes, I see skeletons

clattering in one behind the other

each garbed on the outside in splendor

The bones carefully concealed

blissfully oblivious of the moments ticking

towards that final moment of reckoning

when the skin peels off

and all that is left bones, teeth and nails

and some reeking stench lingering in the air...